We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Joe's Ex​-​Girlfriends

from Totally Average Woman by Carla Ulbrich

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $1 USD  or more

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    13 tracks of funny songs. 6 originals and 7 parodies, all the important topics covered (droopy pants, tips for traveling to China, soda, serial talkers, the plight of the non-smoker, psycho exes...). Produced by the hugely talented Bob Malone and Steve Goodie.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Totally Average Woman via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $12 USD or more 

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 12 Carla Ulbrich releases available on Bandcamp and save 10%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Sit Here and Scream, Twang, Put On A Mask, Inside Jokes: Songs From Quarantine, The LOUD Album, Live at FuMPFest, Totally Average Woman, Live From Outer Space, and 4 more. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

      $78.75 USD or more (10% OFF)

     

about

Music video coming!
And yes, every word of this song is true.

lyrics

Thank you Joe’s ex-girlfriends
He never complains
Thank you Joe’s ex-girlfriends
You make me look sane

I never wore a hand puppet everywhere
And demand it get respect
I never read the Kama Sutra out loud
While in the middle of sex
At least not yet

Anything strange I’ve ever said
Doesn’t even hold a candle to
“If you don’t stop calling me irrational
I’m really gonna fly off the handle!”

Thank you Joe’s ex-girlfriends
He never complains
Thank you Joe’s ex-girlfriends
You make me look sane

I never said “Oh my God! What’s that noise?
Ugh! You’re blinking! Could you please stop that?”
I never showed a headless naked selfie to your friends
And said “Does she look fat?”

I wear goofy clothes
And I sleep until noon
I make poopy jokes
And watch Spongebob cartoons
I sing to the dog
And I talk to the plants
When I met you
I lived in a van
I’m unemployable
And sing songs about butts
But after batsh*t crazy
I’m only nuts

Thank you Joe’s ex-girlfriends
He never complains
Thank you Joe’s ex-girlfriends
You make me look sane

I’m practically Martha Stewart
Without the insider trading
But that’s another song

credits

from Totally Average Woman, released October 1, 2015
Rhythm guitar, vocal: Carla Ulbrich
Farfisi organ: Bob Malone
Background vocals: Amy Engelhardt
Electric guitar: Bob DeMarco
Drums: Mike Baird
Hand claps: Carla, Bob Malone, Bob DeMarco
Bass: Tim Lefebvre
Percussion: Chris Trujillo
Recording engineer: Steve McDonald

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Carla Ulbrich

Award-winning songwriter Carla Ulbrich has played in venues small and large (and sometimes odd) all over the US.

You may have heard her on SiriusXM Comedy radio, or one of many NPR stations, or on the legendary Dr. Demento show.

She has released 10 albums of fun music and was an extra in the movie Sharknado 2.

"Inside Jokes: Songs from Quarantine" is her 10th album.
... more

contact / help

Contact Carla Ulbrich

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this track or account

If you like Carla Ulbrich, you may also like: