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Totally Average Woman

from Totally Average Woman by Carla Ulbrich

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    13 tracks of funny songs. 6 originals and 7 parodies, all the important topics covered (droopy pants, tips for traveling to China, soda, serial talkers, the plight of the non-smoker, psycho exes...). Produced by the hugely talented Bob Malone and Steve Goodie.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Totally Average Woman via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 12 Carla Ulbrich releases available on Bandcamp and save 10%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Sit Here and Scream, Twang, Put On A Mask, Inside Jokes: Songs From Quarantine, The LOUD Album, Live at FuMPFest, Totally Average Woman, Live From Outer Space, and 4 more. , and , .

    Purchasable with gift card

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about

You hear all these blues songs about how evil some guy's woman is. Or maybe how sexy she is. But what if she's just ... average?

lyrics

I got a totally average woman stands about five foot three
I got a totally average woman weighs about a hundred and fifty-three
Yeah she’s a mean mean woman - statistically mean

When she walks down the street some people notice some don’t
When she walks down the street some people notice but in general most people won’t
Some guys will whistle twice as many won’t

She can make a blind man hear
Make a deaf man see
She could have any guy
Who is no better or worse than me

I got a totally average woman IQ of a hundred
She’s a mean mean woman - statistically mean

She takes all my money invests it in a mutual fund
She takes all my money invests it in a highly diversified dividend-producing mutual fund
We will probably retire in a style to which we are accustomed

Every night she beats me Lord she beats me so bad
Every night she beats me Lord she beats me so bad
She is the toughest Scrabble partner I have ever had

She can let a sleeping dog lie
Send a dead man to his grave
When she was a young child she would occasionally misbehave

I got a totally average woman stands about five foot three point seven
She’s a mean mean woman - statistically mean
Baby I would walk over room temperature coals for you

credits

from Totally Average Woman, released October 1, 2015
Lyrics and music: Carla Ulbrich, Joe Giacoio, & Steve Goodie
Rhythm guitar & vocal: Carla Ulbrich
Piano: Bob Malone
Bass: Tim Lefebvre
Drums: Mike Baird
Slide guitar: Bob DeMarco
Recording engineer: Steve McDonald

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tags

about

Carla Ulbrich

Award-winning songwriter Carla Ulbrich has played in venues small and large (and sometimes odd) all over the US.

You may have heard her on SiriusXM Comedy radio, or one of many NPR stations, or on the legendary Dr. Demento show.

She has released 10 albums of fun music and was an extra in the movie Sharknado 2.

"Inside Jokes: Songs from Quarantine" is her 10th album.
... more

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