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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    13 tracks of funny songs. 6 originals and 7 parodies, all the important topics covered (droopy pants, tips for traveling to China, soda, serial talkers, the plight of the non-smoker, psycho exes...). Produced by the hugely talented Bob Malone and Steve Goodie.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Totally Average Woman via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 4 Carla Ulbrich releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Sick Humor, Professional Smart Aleck, Her Fabulous Debut, and Totally Average Woman. , and , .

      $25.50 USD or more (25% OFF)



Ever have a co-worker or an acquaintance who only does monologues? And every conversation is you standing there trying to find a way to escape? Yeah, me neither. But here's what I might think/ say if I did.


Da da da da da da ...

My neighbor’s such a talker
I’m like a backward stalker
I watch for her through my window
If I leave my condo
She sticks to me like bondo
All dang day

When my neighbor Fred tries
To get a word in edgewise
Feels like no one can hear him
She can’t even see how
He’s really gotta pee now
So I pray he can break away

I see you coming and duck out of sight
‘Cause to leave while you’re talking is so impolite
If you’d zip your lip
Shut your face
Clap your trap
I could break away

Two good solutions I’ll take either choice
I lose my hearing or you lose your voice
Or you could take a break
Take a hint
Take a breath
And I could break away

Yada yada yada yada yada yada
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Heard about your migraines
And your lower back pains
And your cat’s operation
Since there’s no interjecting
I’m astrally projecting far away
Like to East Bombay

Pigs will grow wings and they’ll learn how to fly
The Cubs win the series and hell turns to ice
And you zip your lip
Close your beak
Shut yer hole
That will be the day

From ‘round the corner oh look here comes Fred
She turns to greet him and he fakes his death but I
Take my chance
Tuck and roll
Dodge and weave
And I break away

Break away
Break away


from Totally Average Woman, released October 1, 2015
lyrics: Carla Ulbrich & Steve Goodie
Guitar, bass, drums: Steve Goodie
Dining Companions: Bob Malone, Karen Nash, Lavone Seetal
Recording engineers: Steve Goodie, Bobby Brescia, Steve MacDonald



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Carla Ulbrich

Frequently played on Pandora, Sirius XM, and the Dr. Demento Show, funny songwriter Carla Ulbrich
is known for writing about such topics as wedgies, Waffle House, Klingons, and how rich she would be if she had a copyright on the 'F' Word.

She cites her biggest musical influences as Sesame Street, camp songs, and cat food commercials.

This is her 6th CD.
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