Totally Average Woman

from by Carla Ulbrich

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  • Compact Disc (CD)

    13 tracks of funny songs. 6 originals and 7 parodies, all the important topics covered (droopy pants, tips for traveling to China, soda, serial talkers, the plight of the non-smoker, psycho exes...). Produced by the hugely talented Bob Malone and Steve Goodie.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Totally Average Woman via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 4 Carla Ulbrich releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Sick Humor, Professional Smart Aleck, Her Fabulous Debut, and Totally Average Woman. , and , .

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about

You hear all these blues songs about how evil some guy's woman is. Or maybe how sexy she is. But what if she's just ... average?

lyrics

I got a totally average woman stands about five foot three
I got a totally average woman weighs about a hundred and fifty-three
Yeah she’s a mean mean woman - statistically mean

When she walks down the street some people notice some don’t
When she walks down the street some people notice but in general most people won’t
Some guys will whistle twice as many won’t

She can make a blind man hear
Make a deaf man see
She could have any guy
Who is no better or worse than me

I got a totally average woman IQ of a hundred
She’s a mean mean woman - statistically mean

She takes all my money invests it in a mutual fund
She takes all my money invests it in a highly diversified dividend-producing mutual fund
We will probably retire in a style to which we are accustomed

Every night she beats me Lord she beats me so bad
Every night she beats me Lord she beats me so bad
She is the toughest Scrabble partner I have ever had

She can let a sleeping dog lie
Send a dead man to his grave
When she was a young child she would occasionally misbehave

I got a totally average woman stands about five foot three point seven
She’s a mean mean woman - statistically mean
Baby I would walk over room temperature coals for you

credits

from Totally Average Woman, released October 1, 2015
Lyrics and music: Carla Ulbrich, Joe Giacoio, & Steve Goodie
Rhythm guitar & vocal: Carla Ulbrich
Piano: Bob Malone
Bass: Tim Lefebvre
Drums: Mike Baird
Slide guitar: Bob DeMarco
Recording engineer: Steve McDonald

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about

Carla Ulbrich

Frequently played on Pandora, Sirius XM, and the Dr. Demento Show, funny songwriter Carla Ulbrich
is known for writing about such topics as wedgies, Waffle House, Klingons, and how rich she would be if she had a copyright on the 'F' Word.

She cites her biggest musical influences as Sesame Street, camp songs, and cat food commercials.

This is her 6th CD.
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